“The Best of All Possible Nations” — Daniel Pangloss
First there was The Boomer Bible. Then there was Shuteye Town 1999. Which all paved the way for Shuteye Nation, the United States of Ameria. And what a wonderful land it is, so brimming with things from sea to shining sea. It’s not exaggeration to say that Ameria is the best nation ever in the best of all possible wurlds. When you think about it, everyone loves us, deep down, and if they ever say otherwise it’s because those are all people who owe us big time. At some point in the past we’ve saved their lives, their freedoms, and their economies. We’ve lent them money and they knew they wouldn’t have to pay us back, because we’re Amerians, and their currencies are just funny money to us anyway. I can hear some of you carping in the peanut gallery: What about all the people who love us we killed in various wars? We didn’t nuke them, did we? We could have, still could. In the meantime, they owe us money, safe air traffic control, blue jeans, and the only music any of them ever listens to anymore. God bless Shuteye Nation!